The Flaw of Perfectionism: Examining the Connection between Eating Disorders and Perfectionism

There are certain times when perfectionism can positively affect a person’s life and assist them in striving for social success and great achievement.  There are also harmful mental and physical health issues that are developed as a result of perfectionism, such as personality disorders, heart disease, suicide, depression, and eating disorders like bulimia, binge eating disorder, and anorexia.

In a day of a life of a perfectionist, the morning starts with a strict set of accomplishments to achieve and the evening ends with a stern evaluation of way that none of these accomplishments were satisfactorily met.  This results in thoughts of isolation and self-loathing, followed by self-destructive behaviors such as disordered eating.  In a lot of cases, eating disorders arise as a result of trying to cope with negative feelings or an attempt to regain a sense of control.

According to program director at the prominent eating disorder treatment facility The Victorian in Newport Beach, CA, Dr. Michele Lob, PsyD., MFT, “Perfectionism and eating disorders are linked due to how they start out.  They both develop due to self-destructive behaviors and thoughts associated with expectations from oneself based on the attempt to fulfill extremely demanding and unrealistic goals.”

Perfectionism is not a problem just because a person sets high standards for themselves.  It becomes a concerning issue when it starts to hinder that person from enjoying their accomplishments or having self-worth or value.  These can produce negative thoughts and beliefs, which is followed by the fear of making mistakes, all-or-nothing thinking, and low self-esteem.  All those traits can be early indicators that an eating disorder may be forming.

The delineating line between healthy perfectionism and unhealthy perfectionism is dependent on the individual’s ability to set realistic goals and be able to accept letdowns without damaging their confidence or losing their sense of self.  Put it another way, those with a healthy aspiration for excellence strives to accomplish the best that they are realistically capable of, while a perfectionist tries to be the very best in the world at everything that they try to do.

Is it Possible That You Are a Perfectionist?

If you are a perfectionist, it is very likely that you are aware of it because you make yourself miserable by setting unattainable expectations and making strict goals.  Here is a list of characteristics you can commonly find in perfectionists:

• Always trying to one-up everyone else
• Never thinking that they would make a mistake
• If they can not achieve perfection, they are very down on themselves
• Thinking that their achievements outweigh who they are
• Are always looking at imperfections and weaknesses in themselves and in others
• They find it hard to accept constructive criticism
• They have a overpowering fear of failure or rejection
• Their personal identity is based on the opinions and perceptions of others
• Are fearful of success because they are afraid of being able to sustain that level of accomplishment
• Are scared at attempting to change their harmful behaviors and thought patterns because what they end up with may not be perfect
• They think that no matter how good something is, it is never good enough
• Even though they may achieve something really great, they derive very little satisfaction out of it
• They deny compliments from others or have a feeling of satisfaction no matter how well they finish a job or project
• After the smallest setback, they give up or they simply do not try at all because they are afraid of failing
• Due to these unhealthy characteristics, perfectionists are oftentimes stricken with feelings of shame or guilt, loneliness, chronic stress, compulsive behavior, depression, low self-esteem, lack of motivation.

What Gives Rise to Perfectionism?

Cultural and societal pressure affects both women and men and forces them to want to have the “perfect body”, as physical proof of personal success.  Health experts think that this pressure may be a catalyst for the compulsiveness and competitiveness found in people prone to eating disorders, leading to disordered traits like ritualistic behavior, rigidity, and excessive orderliness.

Dr. Lob explains: “The media-drive idea of the ‘perfect body type’ is the primary notion in the sociocultural context that drives people into perfectionism and ultimately eating disordered behavior.  Television and print publications intimate or overtly espouse that in order to be happy, you must have the perfect body shape.”

“This idea may be overpowering to a young individual who wants to please everyone by attempting to meet or exceed expectations set for them by peers, family members and the sociocultural context where they think self-acceptance lies.  Feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, depression, and worthlessness are born out of self-destructive behaviors as criticism and self-blame.”

How to Live with Being Less Than Perfect

Being driven to be perfect is not always a virtuous character trait.  The pressure this puts on anyone can be overwhelming, oftentimes causing behaviors that can literally kill somebody.  When it leads to eating disordered behavior, the only cure in most cases is to seek professional treatment.

By rediscovering who they are and rebuilding their currently low self-esteem, a person can begin the eating disorder recovery process.  It will allow them to develop a realistic perspective of their personal preferences, needs, and strengths and weaknesses.  Thus, they are better equipped to conquer their rigid thinking and give themselves the space needed to shine while providing room to also fail.

“The best setting for the development of a healthy, productive self is an environment that is not punitive, demanding, or critical,” says Dr. Lob.  “It places a high value on self-affirmation and acceptance.”

During treatment for bulimia or anorexia, eating disordered women and men learn to care for themselves through compassion and overcome the irrational, negative thoughts from within with realistic and positive responses.

The Victorian teaches women that suffer from eating disorders compassion for themselves and others, acceptance, methods to recuperate after making a mistake or experiencing “failure”, and flexibility.  Through the support of caring peers and staff members that understand the disordered psychology, sufferers correct their meaning of success and alter their way of thinking.

Not only is perfectionism an unproductive way to live your life, it is a very dangerous one.  Trying to squeeze impossible achievements from oneself leads you on a road that ends in failure and causes various emotional, psychological, and physical problems.  Of those problems, one of the most horrible is an eating disorder such as bulimia, binge eating, or anorexia.  By seeking professional treatment, those that suffer from eating disorders learn to place more reasonable goals for themselves.  This makes them more personally accepting and puts them in a better position to achieve true success.

by Meghan Vivo