It is nearly impossible to forcefully get anyone to change, but it is vital that parents support their child if they are to successfully overcome their eating disorder.  The following are ways that they could help:

1. Show understanding.  An increasing amount of scientific research has revealed that eating disorders could have been inherited genetically.  This applies to its symptoms, like perfectionism, negativity, and need for control, as well.  What this may mean is that it is likely that you may have been through the same thing your son or daughter, who may be suffering from poor body image, disordered thinking, or low self-esteem, is going through.

Barbara Cole, MFT, Psy.D. urges families to openly talk to each other about disordered patterns of thinking in her book The Eating Disorder Solution:

The healthiest thing families can do for someone who is suffering with an eating disorder is to first educate themselves as to the well-meaning history of where control, negativity and perfectionism originated from. They must then together discuss ways in which their own beliefs and practices express an overgrowth of these concepts, change their own personal behaviors in order to avoid coming across as hypocritical, and finally, gently undo the passing from one generation to the next of the message that more control, more negatively and more perfectionism is better.Getting Help For an ED – The Sooner The Better

Although it could be possible that you have never gone through what your child is struggling with, it is important to learn the causes, symptoms, and possible treatments for eating disorders.  Some ways you can better educate yourself is through books and internet sites, support groups, or professional help.  By equipping yourself with knowledge, you are able to show your son or daughter how committed and caring you are of helping them overcome this disease.

As a positive gesture and gift to their child suffering from a eating disorder, a parent can initiate change within themselves first before they expect change within their son or daughter.  By demonstrating their great attitude and healthy habits, a parent can become a role model who makes the treatment process easier and its recovery much longer-lasting.

Remember that you can never offer too much encouragement or support to someone who suffers from an eating disorder.  That of course does not mean allowing them to give up in the middle of treatment in their path to recovery.  What it does mean is that you should continue to be positive and show support as the inevitable challenges and obstacles pop up.

2. Attack It as a Team.  It is likely that the process of overcoming an eating disorder could be one of the hardest challenges your son or daughter could face in their life.  They could have built the foundations of their eating disorder since childhood with symptoms such as depression, low self-esteem, poor body image, anxiety, or trying desperately to achieve perfection or even giving up on their efforts to reach their potential. 
To provide the best circumstances for your child’s recovery, it is essential to have a unified treatment team that includes family members, nutritionists, medical doctors, and eating disorder specialists that are expertly familiar with the treatment method used and are united in the fight against the disorder.

Dr. Cole notes that “to fight an eating disorder, each member of a family must decide whether they will commit to being either an ally or an enemy of the eating disorder.”  For those that are involved in the fight against the eating disorder, they must join together in being “of one mind and one single strategy” so that they are able to best help their loved one.

She cautions that “anybody who holds themselves as separate from the team will actually be utilized by the e/d toward its own dark goal of usurping more thought territory and finally be a part of the demise of the person actually suffering from the effects of losing the war against the e/d.”

Common Sense Does Not Prevail When Fighting Eating Disorders.  The physical body is not the only part of you that is affected by the malnourishment caused by an eating disorder.  Shifts in perception, as well as neurological changes are also caused by eating disorders.  This results in malnourished thinking.

Dr. Cole notes that families could fall into the trap of trying to cure their loved one’s eating disorder using “healthy normal common sense.”  Typical mistakes include complimenting them on their appearance or making observations regarding their eating habits or disordered thought patterns.

These common sense approaches do not work because of the symptoms of the malnourished mind.  Dr. Cole recommends the approach of fighting “fire with fire”, which requires speaking the language of the eating disorder.  Forming a solid network in support of someone suffering from a eating disorder and utilizing tools and language as taught by the treatment program will provide the family and friends with their best opportunity to cure the eating disorder.

No Negativity.  The media and society provides plenty of negative perceptions concerning ourselves and our bodies.  These messages are oftentimes perpetuated by those surrounding us.  For those with an eating disorder, these perceptions are deeply internalized.  Additional negativity will reinforce the eating disorder.  Therefore, those that are around the victim should do their best to avoid providing negative feedback or making comments that could be perceived as negative.

As advised by Dr. Cole, “not a single negative or neutral word should be offered for the person with an e/d to experience or hear in any way. While positive words or statements will not immediately heal someone with an e/d, offering any negative or neutral words or statements will actually ‘feed’ the e/d so that it can grow.”

Things that you may feel are little, minor things, such as slight innuendo, non-verbal behavior, such as facial expressions, or “constructive criticism”, can all be processed by those with an eating disorder as negativity and could confirm their perceived lack of worth.  It is important to stay away from the temptation to make comparisons to others, speaking to deeply regarding the past or the future, or reflecting on emotional topics or difficult memories.  Dr. Cole suggests that “If in doubt, leave it out.”  It can do more harm than good if you say anything that can be received as negative.

3. Get Help Now.  As soon as the behavioral and physical symptoms of an eating disorder in your child are recognized, it should be treated right away.  Because eating disorders are one of the most all-consuming, powerful, and lethal of all mental health issues, help should be sought immediately to avoid the strong immediate risk.

The following are some warning signs you should look out for, as described by Dr. Cole:

• Trouble receiving compliments, love, favors, attention, money, time or nutrition
• Obsession with physical appearance, weight, food, nutrition, or calories
• Dressing in loose or baggy clothes
• Competing too intensely with others or the severe avoidance of competition with others
• Traumatic events, such as the lost of a job, the death of someone close, a divorce, or physical violence.
• Exercising an exorbitant amount or the regular use of laxatives or diet pills
• Visible signs of physical distress, such as weight loss or weight gain, fainting, bloating, tooth and gum erosion, or heart problems

“Perhaps one of the biggest mistakes that caring, well-meaning people can make when attempting to help someone with an e/d is to take a ‘wait and see’ attitude,” explains Dr. Cole.  Go the safe route and trust your instincts.  If you think there may be a problem, there is a good chance there is.  Contact a professional, such as a medical doctor, regarding physical symptoms.  You should also utilize online resources and seek referrals for reputable eating disorder treatment centers.   The Victorian of Newport Beach, as well as other residential treatment facilities, has helped women all around the world successfully overcome their eating disorders.  They are able to continue living healthy lives and enjoying rewarding careers.

Just like they are in other aspects of their child’s lives, parents can be the best supporter a kid can have in their fight against an eating disorder.  As someone who knows their son or daughter their entire life, a parent has expert insider information on their child’s pre-eating disorder characteristics, such as strengths and weaknesses, their experiences, and their struggles.  If you suspect that your child may be battling a eating disorder, please get them help and be involved in their recovery.  He or she depends on you and the care and love you provide.