Before I entered the Victorian House for treatment, I really hated myself and had a big fear of food.  They both came to dominate and control everything I did.  It was so bad because I had an eating disorder that was possessed and blinded me to everything that was going on.

The minute I came to The Victorian, I felt welcome by the open arms of genuinely caring staff members and other women that like me, was fighting to overcome their disorder.  Their support and unconditional love was what helped me in opening up and trusting the process.  By freeing myself from the constraints of my shame and guilt, I surrendered myself to something greater and escape resistance and move onto acceptance.  I developed a whole new perspective—one that enabled me to look at my body without the biased judgment that was in my head.  I felt my body from within instead of looking at it from outside and that was the first step I needed to get on the road to recovery.

My experience at The Victorian was one of the best things that I have had and can do for my health.  I would like to thank the staff there for saving my life and bringing back my true self.  I am able to be myself without the burden of the disease that enraptured me.  I know that recovery is something that I must work on every day and I will practice the spiritual tools of the program daily.

- J. H.


I began my recovery program at The Victorian following intensive inpatient treatment that lasted two months.  I chose to come here because I thought it was the perfect place for me to gradually learn to return to the “real world”.  Upon arrival, I was immediately greeted by someone who truly wanted to know more about me.  I initially felt nervous to be in this “strange” place, but they made me feel welcomed.  I met the rest of the staff members by the end of one week and quickly realized how lucky I was to enter this program.  Simply put, they treated me and cared for me like I was one of their close friends or family members.

It was no surprise that this level of comfort allowed me to adapt and easily follow the schedule, which was well-organized and complimented the needs of each person.  Each week offered various effective lectures, 12-step meetings, process groups, and body image workshops that focused on my recovery and solution.  I enjoyed them so much that even though I have finished the formal treatment, I still participate in public 12-step meetings outside of The Victorian.

I am thankful for having discovered The Victorian and entering its treatment program.  It has reawakened my spirits and given me a new outlook on life, as well as expanded my social network for support.  No longer low in self-esteem, I have increased confidence and believe in my career potential.  Rather than dread waking up each morning, I look forward to each and every day.  My smile and joy comes from within now—a real place!

- R. L.

I started a particular diet when I was 15 years old and it dramatically altered my life.  Today, years later, I realize that I was in the grips of an eating disorder that spiraled out of control.  It dominated my life and did things to my body I could not have done by myself.  Things like starving myself for a year while obsessively exercising.  It affected me spiritually as well as physically.  After this damaging behavior, my anorexic side flipped upside down.  I started to binge eat.  I felt like I was watching myself on television and I could not turn it off or change the channel.  I regained not only the initial weight that I lost; I put on even more pounds on top of that and quick.  After only a few months, I had a body that I didn’t even know.  Even though it was devastated and weaker, my body wasn’t my only major concern.

Keep in mind that while this was happening, things started to become clear to me.  Feelings of denial left my mind when I began to binge eat after my period of self-starvation.  I knew I needed help and I looked for it from counselors, therapists, classes, social workers, books—everything.  I sought help and I tried with all my heart to beat the disorder myself.  It all provided me with the hope that I can overcome, but none of it helped me as much as entering the Victorian House.

In desperation, I entered The Victorian in Newport Beach on March in 2005.  I wanted to be in there and out of there quickly, return “home” to Rhode Island, and erase any memory of my problems from my mind.  It turned out that I couldn’t just do those things.  Like addicts after attending AA, I would be forever changed because of the hope, support, and truth I discovered at the Victorian House.

I was taught things by Dr. Cole that rescued me from my drowning.  Her expert knowledge about this eating disorder and her ability to teach me about it provided me with the legitimate hope that I could pull myself out of this horrible disease that I’ve had all these years.  I knew the only way that would be possible would be to heed her instructions and listen to her.

It wasn’t easy because I started off not willing to do what they had wanted me to do.  It may have been due to sever codependency with my mother, a lack of willingness, or plain just being afraid, but I didn’t listen.  Fast forward 13 months, I was in tortured pain.  I prayed and surrendered myself to God.  He listened and gave me a second chance at the Victorian House.

I went back on July 13 of 2006 with a renewed willingness to conquer my eating disorder.

My life had structure again thanks to The Victorian House.  Before, I was unable to trust myself at meals from breakfast all the way to dinner.  The Victorian helped me trust myself again.  I went to 12-step programs and had a sponsor who helped me live with abstinence.  They educated me and filled me with unconditional love.  They believed in me and that was undeniable and sincerely touching.  As confusing, frustrating, and hard as the days sometimes were there, I look back fondly at my time at The Victorian.  It pushed me when I didn’t want to be pushed, but needed to.  I gave in because I knew it was what I needed to get back on track for a happy life.

I am over 2 years abstinent of my eating disorder because of God and because of The Victorian.  I have a fulfilling career, I am able to support myself, and I’m learning to live life each day.  Just like everyone else, I feel scared and things may be difficult sometimes, but my worst day recovered will always be preferred to my best day I had with my eating disorder.

Receiving treatment is the best thing you can do for your eating disorder, but you have to be prepared for it.  I believe in it and I believe in Dr. Cole’s teachings.  I believe in support and I believe in God.  It wasn’t until I went to The Victorian that I believed in hope.  I share my story with others because I am grateful to be cured and will do what I can to help others achieve the same.  Thank you for hearing it.

- P.W.